Today, someone tweeted that there was a possible missing person in Paris, France. I said I would help, as I was staying in Paris. I searched for two hours around hotels in the area where the person might be, to no avail. It was then that my parents informed me that we were in Phoenix, not Paris. FML

Today, my sister kept trying to convince me that the sun is a star. She is 18. FML

Today, I masturbated for the first time with people in the house, apparently I was moaning too loud and my mother came to investigate. As she opened the door I orgasmed and squirted vaginal juice on her shoes. I’m now grounded. FML

I am working in Indonesia, but I am not Indonesian It’s really fantatic that i live in abroad

pregnant at 13 FML i guess ? keepin it tho :) im not a slut

I’m trying to go punk for a while and today I got an iPod as a gift…why don’t ppl get it??? FML

Today, all day I kept dropping my phone in it didn’t crack I thought it was invisible but then I drop it on carpet in in crack tell me how tht happens Fml

Today, on the Rez some were about in Montana I walked in on my boss red fether fucking my wife fly trap and then my boss told me I was fired from the casino and that he took my native pride away…FML…

i keep on plugging in this damn phone charger and everytime i sit down the damn charger comes un-plugged!!! this is getting so damn frustrating FML!!!

Today,my daughter got sent home because she was laughing in the AIDS and HIV unit…….my daughters 5 still don’t know how she got there.